Hey Family
All in all I had a very nice Mother's Day (even tho it will never seem the same without Mike's call). Morning started off with Blair calling, thanks Blair for filling in. Then I went to church and sat with Pat McClure, Linda Guy Hardy and Carolyn Dewbre. There were not very many there (?) Then to Kittie and Gary D for lunch with them and Megan and J & J Hamersley. Kittie had a great lunch and topped it off with banana pudding, uummmm. Mid afternoon I went over to GaryL and Susan. Savonne and Brock had already left so I was glad I got to visit with them on Sat. Janie, David, Judy, Jo, Connie, Brice and James were there. Peggy called while I was there so talked to her a few minutes. About 5:30 I went back to Kittie & Gary D to see Maggie, Kraig, Boston and Maddie. Left about 6:30 and came home. I had been gone all day and was tired. But it was a nice day to see everyone.

Went out to the cemetery just now and they have worked Mike's grave over. It is level with the ground now and looks so much better. It had those big heavy clods of dirt before. It won't take long to cover with grass now. Of course it still has the big basket of flowers on it. I just still can't believe it. When I go out there it does not seem real why I am going there. Eletia, you said you thought it should be getting easier everyday but hasn't. Most likely, the worst time has not even come yet. I can only speak for myself but around the 3rd or 4th month are the hardest for me. That is when reality really sets in. People sort of back off, letting you be strong by yourself again and now you fully understand that they are not coming back ever.(the person that is gone on) But don't fight it, just let it come on in, look it right in the face, let it engulf your very soul, cry, scream, yell but above all, don't try to block it out or you will never heal. There is no way you can pretend that things are okay because they are not so that is a lie to yourself and the world. You will start to heal someday but there is no telling when that will be for you, everyone is different. I just know you can't heal until you peel the scab off the top, let everything ooze out and then the sore can start to heal. I hope some of this makes sense ?????? Right now I am missing J W so very very badly and I need him here with me to help me through all of this.
Guess I better get off for now. I love all of you so very very much. Maw